What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire Hardcover – June 4, 2013

In this fascinating book, the author explores some of the recent science concerning the subject of female desire. For years, the paradigm has been that the male of the species wants multiple partners to spread his seed to ensure reproduction. The female has been more selective since child bearing can threaten her very survival. In new research in this formerly taboo and neglected field, some startling conclusions turn conventional wisdom on its head.First, he attempts to debunk this paradigm, writing "...one of our most comforting assumptions, that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale." Much of the research showed that narcissism drives much of female desire. "For the females, heat seemed to radiate from the men's urgency and from the women's power to generate it."It was entertaining to read how women in one study were turned on by almost every kind of sex imaginable: hetero sex, two girls, even two men, and even watching monkeys mate. Meanwhile, what they said turned them on was much narrower than what the instruments actually registered. Men, on the contrary, were only affected by a narrow range of activities on screen.Especially interesting is the research and discussion around the oft-discussed rape fantasy. He delves into not only how common this fantasy is, (30-60% of women, depending on the study) but some of the psychology of it. For example, one woman in a study said: "Receiving pleasure wasn't my fault if I was being raped..." and others talked about being control of their life all the time and the way the loss of control in a trusting sexual relationship was thrilling.There is a wealth of information here. Any man interested in understanding a bit more of the great mystery called woman should read this book. Women should read it as well; perhaps some of their own deep dark desires are not nearly as uncommon as they think.

As a clergy I have seen my share of bored, if not sexless, marriages and counseled more than a few who had affairs to find desire again and rejuvenate their sex lives. But regardless of the book’s title it fails to provide sufficient guidelines for bored spouses or hope for monogamous couples whose sizzle inevitably has turned to fizzle. But while the answer to Bergner’s question is far too complicated to be answered easily or completely by science, it is a fascinating summary of what the experts know (or not) about women’s desire.In summary, women’s sexual response is incredibly (and marvelously) complex. Bergner interviews sex researchers studying the sexual functioning in the animal kingdom, such as monkeys, mice, rats, and spiders, as well as women. Focusing on arousal they study a variety of social factors, such as the ways initiation impacts desire, and the physical, such as the brain’s neurotransmitters and how dopamine increases desire but yet interacts with serotonin and testosterone in a complicated way. They find the body responds even when the mind is unaware of it and study to whom we are aroused and when. And, while most people are aware of the clitoris and the g spot, (even if they can’t find the latter,) few are aware of the nerve-dense clitoral extensions and wings or the four nerve pathways that carry signals to a woman’s brain via the spine. The complexity of arousal is apparent when women are orgasmic even though spinal injuries dictate they should be physically unable to be so. Surely these various research studies are enough reason to read this book in order to fully appreciate the female’s sexual complexity as a miracle.But there is no magic pill…yet… It is a dizzying scientific problem that drug companies are heavily funding as they breathlessly wait for a multi-billion dollar pill to match Viagra’s success with men. Yet female desire is not only physiology but socially constructed and Bergner notes we have a societal prejudice that appropriates male lust in the animal realm but, in contrast, keeps female sexuality relegated toward the civilized. Our bias assumes females are driven by relationship and intimacy rather than lust and desire because this keeps “women the preordained if imperfect guardians of monogamy.” Indeed, scientists note that more than a few people fear that, if science successfully develops such a pill it would unleash too much female sexual aggression as to create societal breakdown! (Note presidential contender Mike Huckabee’s concern about women's uncontrollable libidos in Washington Post 1/23/14)In summary, Bergner is frustrated that although sexual desire is the essential core of what it is to be human, where there should be “an abundance of exploration, there is, instead, common assumptions, unproven theory, political constraint, varieties of blindness.”I share Bergner’s frustration for, until we begin to talk honestly about the absurdity of strict gender roles, our sexless marriages, the distinctions between love and lust, and the ways erotic desire is subdued by the longing for long term commitment we shall continue to marry ill-advisedly (to justify sex and live the thrill) and divorce needlessly (because the thrill is gone). We will remain ignorant about and ill-prepared for the stages of relationship development. I have no faith in a “magic pill” to improve women’s desire but a cultural conversation might help us name what is, or rather, what is not happening in our bedrooms and identify the myths we have constructed that ultimately ensure sexual dissatisfaction. Until that happens the answer to what women really want will continue to evade us.

What caught my eye with this title was a flashback of viewing the romantic comedy, "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. A story about after one man having an accident, is able to dive into the female psyche, realizing he had women figured out all wrong. A far cry from this book, of course, but the title does indeed make the reader extremely curious. Daniel Bergne chronicles an informative and concise presentation on female sexuality as he defines the differences between the old myths, and scientific findings. He raises questions that have sparked debates for years such as, are women more aggressive than men? What triggers female sexuality, what do fantasies indicate, and discusses mind-body connection. In addition, the author presents information on the reasons for loss of libido, and how lives can change due to its consequences. Information is also presented on intimacy, multiple partners, and emotional connection. The chapters include the following topics:Animals;Bodies And Minds; The Sexual Fable Of Revolutionary Science; Monkeys And Rats; Narcissism; The Alley; Monogamy; and much more. A point of interest is highlighted in Chapter 10, The Beginning. Daniel Bergne offers important questions and answers on the future of female sexuality, through scientific research, such as will there really be a Viagra for women? If so, will it work the same way it does for men? The author shares a fascinating journey of research through experiments on sexuality today as he confronts the reader with interesting findings. This illuminating presentation is thought-provoking as the material presented will make the reader curious and think about the research, long after this book is closed. It will also be a primary resourceful topic for group discussions. Brilliant, educational, and highly recommended!--Geraldine Ahearn(Author Geri Ahearn)